I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
