She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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