Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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