when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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