Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you would pick up someone in the library
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
