She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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