Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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