yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
