bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
