my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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