i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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