..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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