you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
