I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
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Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
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He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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