I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
