Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
