the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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