Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
