i would punch a child for taco bell
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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