how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
