he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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