I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also, beer. Big fan.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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