Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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