Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
