I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
