Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
