Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
