Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
