I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
