my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
