I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
