if i can run in heels then i can drive
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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