fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
