Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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