We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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