Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
