dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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