he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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