I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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