woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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