What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
