1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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