Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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