i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
