I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
