drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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