yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
