I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
