I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
