oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
