as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
