was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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