dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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