No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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