Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
