Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
