apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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