shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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