There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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