so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
