Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I need moral support for this bender
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
