you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
