Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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