I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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