Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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