You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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