She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
