I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
do herpes really smell.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
