Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
