just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
