I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
