So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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