I'm gonna have a badass scar
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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