I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
